*Atomic bomb goes of* keeps scooping ice cream at my Minimum wage paying job.

Well shit. 

I've never been that close before

Never let go that much or lost that much control 

felt different this time 

And now It's my fault your head has been filled with clouds.

Probably your worst day and you want to know what I did

I scooped ice cream. I scooped ice cream when you burned thousands of Dollars in 3 seconds. Which really was all the seconds of the night added up and mushed together Into those 3. All the seconds that should have weighed your eye lids down and sealed them closed, but instead I held them open for way too long. When the clouds started to look at the Real estate your mind had to offer, I just scooped some ice cream. 

we were just being young and dumb for the moment. Didn't realize one moment could take a lot more away

Im scared

Yeah guilt is worst 

I don't know what I'm doing with you 

But your a habit that makes me nervous, and that's always been my favorite kind 

Plain Jane

Ive been staring at a face I usually would skim over. Plain Jains are a phobia. I see a white piece of paper of where you are standing. But instead of holding a paint brush to add to it, I just walk on by. I used to be more drawn to blank canvas. Always thought they were hinding somthing, somthing under all that nothing. Turns out when you tear it apart you find more white then the clouds have ever seen In each other. And more empty then my third grade birthday party. Words like, flat line, or Mediocre come into play. If I surround myself with locked doors that I've never known where locked, then how am I supposed to get out. If I keep limiting myself because of comfort, my life will stay at a standstill. Anxiety is real, but so is Santa. Your brain can make up a trillion thoughts a minute but maybe only one comes through. And being me is scary. But being a plain Jane is a hell of a lot scarier.

Mellodramatic teen poetry that has nothing to do with blackout

You told me the only reason you wear a seat belt is cause of me 

But now I think you wear it out of habit 

You know I've never became a habit before

Coach says best way to form a habit is to do  somthing 10,000 times correct 

We did that

I have 10,000 different places in my mind that are filled with memories that maybe weren't so correct but all of you

All With a blurred scenery spinning fast in the background 

The Background used to be crisp like black 

But then it went white 

Now it's just at grey 

And the habit creeps back in occasionally 

It's so easy to fall back into it

But climbing out sucks so I decided to installed an elevator because I knew it would keep happening 

Your the reason for the tears 

But I also blame the salt in the water 

Cause I didn't want salt in my eyes

It just burned them

I'm over you. 

But it sucked getting here, so thanks. 

And remenber to buckle up please.

bbloggin her reveal

Me

I see the glass half empty
But it's filled with cranberry juice
And I don't like cranberry juice.
So it's blessing it's half way to being empty

Humors dry. Could set a match and it would burn fast

I have a love hate relationship with nachos

theres somthing out there that scares me everyday.
But that's how I know I'm living. More then any pulse or mirror could reinsure me.

Im a newb 

I don't eat meat.
Orange chicken from Panda Express and cold cut turkey slices from subway
Don't count.
They are the exceptions. Used to think my personality was cold cut
But then I realized it's not an exception.

Very weird 

I'm a street walker at night. But only in the winter season. I like to stare down the freezing silence of the moons smile, till mine freezes with it.

drive home after a yoga session of meditation, put on hard rap. 

Or after a hard workout put on meditation music

There's no in between 

I'm an anti video gamer. Until it comes to COD nazi zombie. I feel like it's okay to game if we're shooting at the original shooters. Even though It's not.

Creator

Im the laziest worker I know. Unless it gets me out of work then I'm the hardest worker I know.

I will Judge you souly on your music type

an artistic soul

Ex athlete

Big time dreamer, even if that sounds dumb

Spaz

Hater of a lot

Tree freaken hugger 

Believer

Adverge joe

Curly haired tom boy

Advid music listener

Plaid

Bad at finances

Award winning dirty room

Being tech savy is a joke

Licker of the cream of Oreos

Cheater in the class of chemistry

But really I'm

Just a

Senior

Trying to get

Out

Of suburbia

No edit

I'm scared I'm going to become high maintenance. Boredom is killing my soul. There's a fine line between being an artist and being bored. I'm getting to close to it. I DONT SPEND ENOUGH TIME OUTDOORS. Read a book in 5th grade about assassins. Said routine is the easiest way to get yourself killed. That always stuck with me. I want a boy to see me. I get so intimated around people who are good at art. Girls camp theme was "you are enough". Well I hope so. I hate driving a mini van. I hate even more that in not grateful for a damn car. I want to go outside and walk the streets. Scared my dad will piss out if I do cause it's 1:30 am. I'm all talk anyways. my beds too warm. Spent way too long on this ipood today. Arrrgghh. Im so scared I'm going to get fat. Suposed to be writing about music. MUSIC IS LIFE. That's all I got to say about that. Glad for my friends who came in right when I needed them most. Really happy right now. Haven't cried in a loooong time.  Love my family life. Me my dad and my brother and my sister are a cool mix. Weird artisy people, that's my kind of crew. I should go to bed. Sfgskdkehehxydjak I don't want to. cause then I have to wake up to walking in a prison made of white walls and high school spirit, all at 7:42 in the bloody morning. I don't learn shit on my senior year schedule. It's kinda late. I'm going to close my eyes now. Wonder if anyone will read this cause I posted so late. Why don't I read books anymore? 

Never liked red before

I like that you held my hand but confused, I could have sweared you reached for it first. 

But my dad always told me not to swear, and coach would make us run if we did.

But your confidence is hot, even tho the more I hang around you the more Luke warm it gets.  

first initial attraction was to the way you carry yourself. Didn't notice you before, till I saw the ease you had in stride.  

Asked you if you liked Radiohead, you answered back asking if that was even a question. That's somthing else by itself. But then again there's moments were its so off. Somthing or somewhere you go that I can't come along.  In your mind there is a mystery. And I want to know it. I hate that I can't read you like my books. And not knowing what you think about me or yourself makes me 

so 

into you. 

It's probably just the music, it's always the music that makes me feel more. more then my flat line emotions. That are stuck constantly in my 129 lb body frame. That only lets emotions leak with the sound of somthing that enhances them. It's probably the warmth of your body heat and the cold of mine. And the canyon. 

Frick it's defiantly the canyon and that moment. nature always does that to me. 

Whyed you ask me if I had any pets? It was quite in the car, but was it really that bad. Was it that awkward you had to ask if I owned pets? That was bad. And you didn't come to the door. But I know you have to focus on other things. You have to get back out there. And I understand that. But man I just bought new capstick.

if i wasnt mormon i would be buddhist

 

The word Buddha means the awakened or enlightened one. Buddha's main goal was to end humans sufferings by eliminating ignorance and carving. Buddhist believe they can accomplish this by direct understanding and perception of dependent origination and the four noble truths.

1.) the truth of dukkah is all conditional phenomena and experiences are not ultimately satisfying (anxiety, suffering, not being happy)

2.) the truth of the origin of Dukkah is that craving for and clinging to what is pleasurable and aversion to what is not pleasurable result in becoming, rebirth, dissatisfaction, and re death (addictions, things that control you, materials, wealth, popularity, obsessions, challenges) 

3.) the truth of cessation of Dukkha is that putting an end to this craving and clinging also means that rebirth, dissatisfaction, and re death can no longer arise (becoming selfless, other before you, getting rid of addictions and things that control you) 

4.) the truth of the path of liberation from Dukkha is that by fallowing the noble eight fold path -namely, behaving decently, cultivating discipline, and practicing mindfulness and meditation_an end can be put to craving, to clinging, to becoming, to rebirth, to dissatisfaction, and to re death (instructions to happiness, everyone's ultimate goal)

simple down Truths:

1. the truth of suffering (dukkha)
2. the truth of the cause of suffering (samudaya)
3. the truth of the end of suffering (nirhodha) 
4. the truth of the path of that frees us from suffering (magga)

-a person may awaken from the "sleep of ignorance" by directly realizing the true nature of reality

 -Bodhi and nirvana carry the same meaning, that of being freed from craving, hate, and delusion.

 In Buddhism, mindfulness and clear awareness are to be developed at all times;

The five precepts are training rules in order to live a better life in which one is happy, without worries, and can meditate well:

1. To refrain from taking life (non-violence towards sentient life forms), or ahimsā;
2. To refrain from taking that which is not given (not committing theft);
3. To refrain from sensual (including sexual) misconduct;
4. To refrain from lying (speaking truth always);
5. To refrain from intoxicants which lead to loss of mindfulness (specifically, drugs and alcohol).

 It is said that wisdom and compassion are the two eyes of Buddhism.


 For Buddhism, as in Hinduism, this is the moral law of cause and effect. People build up karma (both good and bad) as a result of their actions. This then determines the state of existence to which one is reborn after birth. In Buddhism, the different levels can include hells, humans or animals in this world, or one of several heavens

karma

 

kar·ma  (kär′mə)

1. Hinduism & Buddhism

a. The totality of a person's actions and conduct during successive incarnations, regarded as causally influencing his or her destiny.

b. The law or principle through which such influence is believed to operate.

2. Fate or destiny resulting from one's previous actions: "[The pitcher] had mostly avoided damage through the first four innings despite putting at least two runners on base three times, but he could not hold back the bad karma any longer" (Ben Shpigel).

3. Informal A distinctive aura, atmosphere, or feeling: There's bad karma around the house today.

Division	Eightfold factor	Sanskrit, Pali	Description
Wisdom (Sanskrit: prajñā, Pāli: paññā)	1. Right view	samyag dṛṣṭi, sammā ditthi	Viewing reality as it is, not just as it appears to be
	2. Right intention	samyag saṃkalpa, sammā sankappa	Intention of renunciation, freedom and harmlessness
Ethical conduct (Sanskrit: śīla, Pāli: sīla)	3. Right speech	samyag vāc, sammā vāca	Speaking in a truthful and non-hurtful way
	4. Right action	samyag karman, sammā kammanta	Acting in a non-harmful way
	5. Right livelihood	samyag ājīvana, sammā ājīva	A non-harmful livelihood
Concentration (Sanskrit and Pāli: samādhi)	6. Right effort	samyag vyāyāma, sammā vāyāma	Making an effort to improve
	7. Right mindfulness	samyag smṛti, sammā sati	Awareness to see things for what they are with clear consciousness; being aware of the present reality within oneself, without any craving or aversion
	8. Right concentration	samyag samādhi, sammā samādhi	Correct meditation or concentration, explained as the first four

 

I know this blog post sounds like a Wikipedia web page. but i wanted to be very informative, kind of like a research paper, and more for myself then you.

I think this religion is beautiful,

the idea of becoming that selfless and not of the world is so attractive to me. 

Its insane to me that people are able to make this their lives.

I look up to this religion in so many ways

If i wasn't Mormon i would be Buddhist.

I want to be able to not be so dependent on materials and comfort that i have so much in my life. 

gratitude comes few and rare for me

but i have so much to be grateful for 

their religion believes so much in simplicity 

how to become the best human possible

and to find happiness

I know there's truths in almost all religions

I also know this post has nothing to do about my blue ticket i drew with a word on it, I'm sorry but not sorry

I'm writing this for myself. for me to not be ignorant in other religions and to i guess give a big kudos to people who are Buddhist.

hope someday to travel and learn a whole lot more about you guys and the beliefs you have 

you guys are awesome

your religion really is beautiful

that's all i got to say, i guess

 

 

How to get by as average for dummies

1.) lay low 

2.) wear colors that blend in with lockers (grey-ish blue)

3.) kidding about #2 

4.) dont branch out, stay with the friends you've had since jr. High 

5.) dont date anyone. (Moment you do your get a millions of opinions and judgements)

6.) dont do change

7.) wear scandals, sandals are in

8.) personal hygiene (self explanatory)

9.)  social media- fallow the fallowing norms (Have more people following you then you are fallowing, only post every week or so. Don't tweet real feelings. Only retweet)

10.) lastly, don't be depressed, don't have anxiety, don't love anyone, and don't be good at anything.  

If you just fallow these ten easy steps, your guaranteed results in no time! 

Evila

Comes rarely 

But it's bliss

Think about you a lot you know 

You actually don't know 

like the idea of you 

More 

Then 

You.

Need something to entertain me when there's too many white walls and empty spaces in my mind 

When feeling my vibe 

I want you to feel it too 

Feel my realist self with

Uhh

You.

That's a lie 

but I want it to be true 

I lie to myself a lot 

Because your not real 

But there's moments of you

I see them 

And in them

I see you 

Just pieces 

Never the whole thing

maybe that's it. 

The puzzle never complete

But if I find enough pieces to make some kind of picture 

That's what I want

Not settling 

But realistic 

I'm still here 

Waiting for you to find me

And put my pieces together 

Too see if my picture is

good 

Enough 

For

You.

World ass high school

I know where the ass is in world class

I know this because I'm 18 and I still have to ask 

To get a friggin hall pass

Live in a system of busy work

Shophmore girls think the only way to get a boy is to twerk 

Make them notice you, even if this isnt you, this isn't you anymore 

But your older now, it's ok, just go in and close the door. You weren't noticed before 

at least now your a noticed whore 

Do whatever to ease the pressure of peers 

Even if that means late nights hinding the tears 

You got artificial friends

walk around plastic but don't worry there all 10's

Just fit in, it's going to be okay 

just hold on till the second wind decides to kick in

No it's okay it's not technically a sin 

Just so you know our class system here is whack

 we live in a age where oh he's hot, did you get some fat tap? 

You didn't why not? 

try fixing ur numbers on Instagram,

make your self seem like a celebrity not a just a fan 

Post a selfie make him realize there's more to you

there's a pixelized version too, 

maybe he didn't see you all the way through 

perfection of your face and body, 

filters to cover the mistakes

it's a new found hobby

unwanted blemishes and skin tones 

You hate but didn't choose God gave you those 

On top of all that your life is simplified down to a number 

It's black & white there's no room for creativity and wonder 

Your score is your future that's it.

You think there's more to your life? Thier tell you that's a buch of shit 

The number is everything 

You can dance, you can write, you can sing? 

It's only important for that solar ship, Congrats you just sold your sole, and a free ride is your tip

Didn't even have time to shallow 

Now your walking down the halls with only the traces of someone to fallow 

Your going off alone, something new and exciting 

But that choice you made is far away from arriving 

Was it the right one, 

Your never know, feeling weighs you down a ton

We've been preparing our whole life's for this they say

go to collage and your make twice the pay

Knowledge is everything 

Power is gain

Yes it hurts to grow up 

It's time for you to feel our pain 

A year from now loaded with stress, 

More then You ever felt looking for a homecoming dress

Bills to pay your own mouth to feed 

Without your mommy to hear your pled

Having to pay for your own toilet paper 

But don't have a job. 

In high school you were just the known vaper

What is work

I always had money that I just took 

The fund is nonexistent 

I want to be the 3yr old in a grocery store  and throw a fit

I really hope collage is how Asher Roth tells it 

But then again I can't party my whole life and have no intelligence or wit 

in this alone 

With no where else to go 

I can feel my own anxiety  

Even as I put these words down to writing 

I'm not prepared for this 

Watch ticking on my wrist  

Bye childhood 

Hello things I don't want to do 

but should 

We Live in an age of infected people who are narcissistic 

Who love to edit their lives while also editing their pics

Thanks lone peak 

I really learned how to become one 

One with myself 

& how to enjoy others peoples wealth 

Not the important stuff tho 

But hey I did kiss so and so 

Wondering if it all matters 

Or if in the end I'll end up being some waiter serving food off platters 

Being seniors 

is for wieners 

I didn't learn mathematics or books 

Just how to improve my looks 

Just enough to go through this high school of world class 

Enough to pass, and become in sink with the world of the people of fake ass 

Sorry for my attempt at rap

I'm too white 

And too girl.

Not trying to be no Austin Earl 

Word up to Rhonda 

This is lyrics about your school 

I call it a songda loll

Now can I just please be considered cool. 

Tourist brick.

scared I will turn out like my mother.

There's two types of people in this world. Those who are fine and those who have every illness know to man

I grew up with the second type.

I'm scared that if I get sick, I wont  know if I'm really getting sick or is it just MENTAL

I scared to be dependent because that's all you were 

Hospital bills stacked 10ft tall, high enough to dunk

dunk millions of unheard dieases and illnesses into an arena full of excuses and dulisons 

As the crowd on the stand watches, cheering for rare moments when your real self shows, the real self without a problem

Could it be all for sympathy

Or just for the drama 

a storyteller for a living

Writes dramas

lives a drama. 

Maybe there's a reason I don't have a lot of girl friends. 

And I reason I need yoga and the moutains 

Reason I'm attracted to guys with chill  personalities and poor choices

Maybe a reason for the anxiety 

I'm not blaming you 

But you showed me what I don't like

There's good about you and then there's bad.

The day you told me you wanted to disOWN me, I knew. 

I was unloading your car full of groceries while you were unloading yourself on me. I realized something.

 age 14. 

you don't want to be my mom.

And that your actually not required to love me. 

It didn't come in the small fine print on the back side of my birth certificate. 

No it's a choice 

You raised me 

Taught me

I saw the good 

But then you stopped rasing me 

And It got easier to realize the bad

I know I sound harsh

I'm just trying to write words on a dumb blog post for Creative writing. 

And this is what's coming out 

We've never really talked about this before and I've never had to

But It's amazing what u can teach yourself by just writing words down. 

I honestly don't think about you too much and your effect on my life NOW is little to none. 

you got mad at me for ripping up my art

Told me it was to good to do that and the imperfections are what makes it mine own

taught me about nutrition, habits

Started my love for books

Forced me to do yard work for hours and hours, which taught me a good work ethic 

Made me hang out with siblings, then became close with them 

Incouraged creativity 

Discouraged technolgy 

Develop me in more then just one talent 

And I'm very grateful for those things you gave me.

Your part of who I am today but not apart of what I am today

I'm not going to parent my kids like you 

But I'm me and your you

And I'm sorry I've always called you crazy

Cause we're all crazy

But force talking on the phone for 3ish minutes every 50 ish days, 7ish times in 364 3/4 ish days a year does not help.

Lying to me to make your life exciting and dramatic doesn't appeal to me

Your a storyteller 

You've published books cause of it 

But 

I miss my little sisters like hell.

So then again with the two types of people in the world. Their are those who are mothers and those who choose to be 

 And I think I'm fine with what you choose 

White Picket Fence

This is for me but your reading it

I want a white picket fence

I don't think I really believe in it

But I'm going to keep believing in it cause it's all I have to believe in. It makes it all worth it. 

Someone once told me that there's a guy out there that loves me for me. Unconditionally and true. For all of me. I just haven't met him yet

He loves me for all of me. All  my insane sleep cycles. scattered but precise taste in music. abnormal obession with anti-origization in all things which happen to be organized. That's last sentence actually only makes sense if youve seen my room. My annoyance of fake. love for the outdoors. nervousness tendency of brushing my teeth. Spazy moods. need to create. very dry humor. opinionated beliefs which are frequent, and very unconsitent. habit of forgetting. want to be alone. very dependent  independencies. my anxiety. fault of restlessness. My delusions, like the want I have to drop everything to move to Alaska and become Hindu. drive to perfection in talents. hate of working. my anger. lack of patience. passion for sports. love of adrenaline. misleading intentions. awful ability for directions. imperfect body. Habit of indulgence. Picky eater. Clingyness to artistic souls. Love of soundtracks. Too round of face and too thin eyebrows too big of legs too pale of skin tone. And your telling me. That's there's really someone out there that   

Really loves me for all me 

That's just fricken hard to believe. 

If there really is a soul out there that can match mine

Equal me out 

Then that's just insane. 

White picket fence 

American Dream

2 kids 1 boy 1 girl 

Loving husband 

Middle class

Pourch swing

Not a worry in the world 

Perfection

I hope it's real

Even though I don't believe it is 

It's all I got 

Puberty with a side of fried brain cells

Depressed and brainless. 

The high is never worth the low.

You were confident and crazy

Where'd you go

You look broken and I don't know how to FIX you.

You said the static came. Cold and emotionless. 

We watched warm bodies 

Warm body

White will HELP the static 

You want to be able to realize your flying kites again. 

Instead of not feeling 

Frog boiling in hot water

You said you wouldn't ever get there

But now the color white looks good.

You want your confident and crazy back

Your real self.

That only comes with the USE of somthing that is not you.

You look like your not here. All packed up and moved somewhere else on a tR.I.P.

Your sad.

Controlled & Addicted 

Come back

GONE. 

Get others help, or get yourself help. It will not lead to happiness, it will make you sad. Too many, and not enough I recognize anymore. 

I for one like my brain. 

The reason I don't look in the mirrors in the hallway.

You look for the comments on your blog like you haven't had water for 12 days

Pass by the mirror in the hallway. Stop. Fix your hair and keep going, feeling worse then you did before you stopped. 

Check the Instagram unfollower app to see who's still your friend this week.

Buy yet another different kind of mascra.

Your brothers at home watching some boring TV show, you know it's his last resort. Yet you still leave and go to Zach's house. Fry your hair for that feeling of looking better then your natural self. Say a joke that isn't even yours. Dis on another girl, cause you have nothing else to contribute to the conversation that is dying. 

What makes us human 

Corporations make mega stuffed Oreos now. Marshmallow are bigger then Texas. And there is a 10 lb chocolate bar out there. society lives for bigger and better. The better the improvement the bigger the success. Advancement is adcheviment which is the goal. Get your kid in a inform. If he's not in an ivory league school, your a failure. 

We don't have time to figure things out

You should have already known what collage your going to by the age of 3. And that wearing too much eyeliner and fake baking your skin orange is not a good look. 

You should have already known that it's stupid to waste your life trying to be an artist whe in reality you were born for accounting. 

Or that straight bangs don't look good on your head type.

What makes us human

Don't listen to the one on one conversation. Tone out. Focus back in whe you hear that so and so said such and such about you. Now your interested in the person that has been infront of you for the last 10 minutes. 

What makes us human

Feel good about your appearance today. Walk around the commons just a little bit more.

 

What makes us human

Drive faster and listen to harder rap when your friends are in the car. When they leave slowly put on wild nothing. 

What makes us human

.……….....….…….…...........................

What makes us human what makes us human what makes us human. Who knows.... who really cares. Just be the best human being you can. Don't be the mega stuffed Oreo or the adnormaly large marshmallow. 

Just be you, be real, and be gratful your not a hipo.

 

As Big Sean would say... This shit just got DEEEP

I believed being happy was a choice.

You get one day a year to stay at home to be sick.

You get one injury during your sports season.

And you get one time in your life where you can be sad. 

Believed is a past tense of believe.

People come in and out of your life for a reason. 

They serve their purpose and then move on or you move on or they stay. Whatever happens there is a reason for it. 

Could be one day you decide to go sit by the cute new boy in your English class and ask him where his from. That person then becomes part of your life, then a huge part of your, then completely out of your life. 

 a sister decides to try it out yoga.  Why not. She could always touch her toes. Finds out she's good at it, becomes a yogi. Invites you to a class and you feel the spirt for the first time in years through meditation. 

Or your dad takes you to kolers every morning before kindergarten starts. Because there's the awkward time between when the older kids need to be dropped off at the big school & you at your little school. He buys you a bagel almost everyday. Consistence is his game. One day you notice coloring pages, color one and turn it in. You win, and realize your good at somthing. 

Or the mouth you give your mom turns into a blessing instead of a curse. You end up spreading more time being grounded then out of your house with your friends. You turn to basketball out of sheer bordeum then one day you beat your dad at pig and get thinking 

It all could just be serendipity

Or maybe you make up everything and there's not just some predestined life laid out for you. 

Whatever the hell it is, it is what it is. 

I believed people choose if they were happy or not. But now I believe it's not a choice. And somtimes it's not the most horrible thing to be sad. The lows bring the highs

And maybe one day someone good with words will come in to your life and help clarify just a little on what's going on. 

And let you know it's okay to be sad at least every once in a while 

Best friends my butt.

Were very welcoming, always a good time, the best company. My husband makes the best steak. Our kids are running around the yard together chasing a raccoon. Me and my husband on one side. You and yours on the other. We're at the point where were crying from laughing too hard while still trying to fork in that amazing steak. After dinner me and you move to the kitchen. We're washing the dishes. You mention the time we told our parents we were sleeping over at each other's houses and drove all the way to ephrom, tears flow again. Our boys are in the living room now talking up about the 49ers playing the lakers in feild hockey. Later we move to the pourch swing, stars out, summer night, nothing's better. We find out my little boy kissed your little girl in a game of truth or dare, the story is too funny to imagine. our stomachs hurt from laughing too hard. We're not even talking anymore we're just grasping for breath. It's starting to get late, kids dropping in sleep everywhere. My husband helps gather them up to carry them to your old beat up mini van which just happens to be sliver. I come give you a hug, it's not a long one cause after all I'll see you next Sunday, like always.

But we don't even talk anymore

Wasn't worth it for you to even pick a fight with me, you just went quite

We just stopped being friends

And now I'm not in your life and your not in mine

Best friends my butt.

Hash tag diff er ent

The difference between me & you. The difference is what I want to be, which you are. Or could be which I am not. The difference which makes us different. If I was not different then you, then there would be no different and we would not differ from each other. The difference is in the differ of each other which makes me different then you. If we were not different from one another then we would be the same. And being the same would not make us different. So that is the difference between me & you. 

Yeahhhhh 

That meant nothing to me

We are different because if we weren't the world would just suck. 

*pause

(Sorry for the break just think it's  funny how your actually reading what I've writting now instead of the first paragraph)

*unpause 

Im glad I can draw and the kid in my A3 class can climb light poles in the parking lot 

I'm glad I can make weird voices and lebron can dunk 

I'm glad I have crazy curly hair and he can do one trillion pull ups

I'm glad I can shoot a basketball good and she can touch her tongue to her nose 

I'm glad I'm sitting here blogging in a complete different setting then you

I'm glad I have an extra long pinkies and he can do weird impressionations 

I'm glad I can make the best broccoli and she can do a backflip in a tight mini skirt 

I'm glad I'm different from you 

And you are from me

P03M

The discomfort of a shred of absences 

The small notation of an unbalance ignorance

The unpleasing thought of something missing 

But unable to detect the source of sarrow. 

Adolescents is bliss

Things that I honestly believed as a kid:

-ABBA and Hilary Duff are the only music artist out there 

-I'm the best at speed & 4square

-no one is better at art then me

-I am pretty

-I'm going to play gor BYU in basketball, no question

-I hate my brother

-I am going to date the quarterback on the football team

-going to be a professional snowboarder 

-always going to be best friends with Emily Clements 

-my mom loves me 

-glue taste good

-bobby jack t shirts are the shiz

-all the boys has crushes on me

-me & my brother were going to become professional at every sport besides soccer

-going to marry Hunter Allen 

-going to paint my entire house pink along with everything in it

-being sad was for people with really big problems

-my family will always be a consist 

-Friends will always be there 

-I would never fail 

-I would always be happy

Art. today I'm going to post about art. i don't know if I'm a good artist. I defiantly want to be. I don't know if i like the image of me as a artist or if i just like art it self. But i think its the feeling i get when its 3 am and I'm crouched on my bed listening to radiohead feeling like i just created something . something that i know no one else in the world has. feeling productive? creative, original, myself, and all that other bull shit. i love it. eat it up. its my high. i know I'm not the best. i get intimidated around good artist. People who know whats up. you know people who are"good at art".but slowing gaining more confidence and it shows, i hope. who knows art is just perceptive anyways.

H.A.T.S. Hungry As The Sumo. i don't know, tired thinking of a cool metaphorical acronym but this was the only thing i could come up with. I guess in my life i wear lots of hats. work visor, sister hat, sports helmet, artist thinking cap, imaginary wife of bob from bob burgers chief hat. i undertake this challenge of wearing multiple hats a day. I say challenge because i only have one head, so sometimes i have to swap a hat out of another. this sucks because in instances i really do want to be one hat around people when it ends up I'm another. so yeah, H.A.T.S " your only as hungry as the sumo you want to be." jk i still cant tie that in. but hey it could mean nothing to you but so can the everyday hat.

intro

Me, I'm just a senior in suburbia. The high school class system here is whack. It's not some 90's pop culture film here where you have your cafeteria jungle perfectly divided by the jocks, cheerleader, and the geeks. its got more layers then that. With every layer you wear it tares you into another class system. people don't just have one, they have more then one, no ones as simple as one, become one?... welcome to the suburbs