scared I will turn out like my mother.

There's two types of people in this world. Those who are fine and those who have every illness know to man

I grew up with the second type.

I'm scared that if I get sick, I wont  know if I'm really getting sick or is it just MENTAL

I scared to be dependent because that's all you were 

Hospital bills stacked 10ft tall, high enough to dunk

dunk millions of unheard dieases and illnesses into an arena full of excuses and dulisons 

As the crowd on the stand watches, cheering for rare moments when your real self shows, the real self without a problem

Could it be all for sympathy

Or just for the drama 

a storyteller for a living

Writes dramas

lives a drama. 

Maybe there's a reason I don't have a lot of girl friends. 

And I reason I need yoga and the moutains 

Reason I'm attracted to guys with chill  personalities and poor choices

Maybe a reason for the anxiety 

I'm not blaming you 

But you showed me what I don't like

There's good about you and then there's bad.

The day you told me you wanted to disOWN me, I knew. 

I was unloading your car full of groceries while you were unloading yourself on me. I realized something.

 age 14. 

you don't want to be my mom.

And that your actually not required to love me. 

It didn't come in the small fine print on the back side of my birth certificate. 

No it's a choice 

You raised me 

Taught me

I saw the good 

But then you stopped rasing me 

And It got easier to realize the bad

I know I sound harsh

I'm just trying to write words on a dumb blog post for Creative writing. 

And this is what's coming out 

We've never really talked about this before and I've never had to

But It's amazing what u can teach yourself by just writing words down. 

I honestly don't think about you too much and your effect on my life NOW is little to none. 

you got mad at me for ripping up my art

Told me it was to good to do that and the imperfections are what makes it mine own

taught me about nutrition, habits

Started my love for books

Forced me to do yard work for hours and hours, which taught me a good work ethic 

Made me hang out with siblings, then became close with them 

Incouraged creativity 

Discouraged technolgy 

Develop me in more then just one talent 

And I'm very grateful for those things you gave me.

Your part of who I am today but not apart of what I am today

I'm not going to parent my kids like you 

But I'm me and your you

And I'm sorry I've always called you crazy

Cause we're all crazy

But force talking on the phone for 3ish minutes every 50 ish days, 7ish times in 364 3/4 ish days a year does not help.

Lying to me to make your life exciting and dramatic doesn't appeal to me

Your a storyteller 

You've published books cause of it 

But 

I miss my little sisters like hell.

So then again with the two types of people in the world. Their are those who are mothers and those who choose to be 

 And I think I'm fine with what you choose